Chapter 1: The Words No Mother Should Ever Hear
My husband and I spent ten years doing everything we could to have a baby — when I finally gave birth to triplets, he held each of them, looked at one of the girls, and said, "We can't keep her."
For almost ten years, my husband, Nathan, and I wanted a child more than anything.
There were doctor visits, tests, treatments, and so many disappointments that I don't even want to think about them.
Eventually, I started losing hope.
I even stopped buying pregnancy tests.
You have no idea what it's like to stare at that single line every single time.
I was already trying to let go of the idea of becoming a mother when, on the morning of my 42nd birthday, I suddenly felt terrible.
I was dizzy and nauseous.
Nathan actually got excited and rushed out to buy another pregnancy test.
And this time, it was positive.
I was finally pregnant.
God, you should have seen us.
First we were celebrating, then crying, then celebrating all over again.
It was the happiest day of our lives.
But at the ultrasound, we got an even bigger surprise.
I was pregnant with triplets.
Three girls.
We couldn't believe how lucky we were.
Nathan painted the nursery himself.
He put together three cribs.
He spent hours going back and forth with me over names.
When I was admitted to the hospital for my C-section, I'd never seen him so nervous and so happy at the same time.
When our daughters were born, the nurses brought them to us one by one after checking them over and wrapping them in blankets.
Honestly, I was completely exhausted.
So Nathan was the first one to hold each of them.
He pressed our first daughter to his chest and started crying.
Then came the second.
He kissed her tiny forehead and whispered:
"Hi, sweetheart.
I'm your dad."
Then the nurse placed our third daughter in his arms.
At first, Nathan smiled.
But a few seconds later, something changed.
His whole body went still.
He went pale.
He was seated in a chair across from me while I lay exhausted in the hospital bed, but I could tell that something had frightened him.
"Nathan?
What's wrong?" I whispered.
He kept staring at our third daughter.
Then he looked at me and said the last thing I ever expected to hear after everything we'd been through.
With tears in his eyes, Nathan said:
"We can't keep her."
For a moment, I honestly thought I was imagining things because of the medication, or maybe I was just completely exhausted.
"What did you just say?"
Nathan wouldn't take his eyes off our third daughter.
Then he looked at me, and the expression on his face scared me.
He practically shouted:
"Honey, we can't keep her!
You'll understand what I mean when you look at her neck."
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What did Nathan see on that baby's neck — and why would it make him say something like that in a delivery room?
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