Chapter 7: If You're Reading This

I read the letter standing beside Seth's car with the afternoon light coming flat across the storage facility lot.
Seth leaned against the driver's door and didn't ask what it said.
He waited.
Four pages.
Front and back.
Diana's handwriting was small and precise, the letters slightly backward-slanting the way Chloe's was — the same hand, shaped by the same childhood, the same teachers, the same kitchen table where they'd done homework side by side.
The letter started with the will.
*Dad told us our whole lives that we were the same to him.
I believed it.
I built my whole understanding of myself on it.
When the will was read I sat in that lawyer's office and I kept waiting for the rest of it — the part where it balanced out, where my name appeared next to something that matched what he gave you.
It never came.
The clock was the last line.
I drove home and I sat in my car in my own driveway for two hours because I couldn't make myself go inside.*
I turned the page.
*I want you to know I tried to let it go.
I tried for eight months.
I went to therapy.
I told myself it was just property, just money, just things.
But every time I came to your house — the house that was supposed to be both of ours, the house where we grew up — I felt it.
Not anger.
Something worse.
Like I had been told my whole life that I was real and then found out I wasn't.*
Seth shifted against the car.
"You okay?" he said.
"Keep waiting," I said.
I turned to the third page.
*When Mark's mother transferred the assets into your name I knew I was running out of time.
Once you were married those assets would be protected differently.
I had maybe six months.
I had the power of attorney.
I had an attorney who told me the plan was legally sound.
I told myself it wasn't really stealing — that I was only taking what should have been mine from the beginning.*
*I told myself a lot of things.*
The fourth page was shorter.
*I don't expect you to forgive me.
I'm not writing this to ask for that.
I'm writing this because if something goes wrong today — if the plan falls apart, if you find this — I want you to know that I know what I did.
I know what I became.
I know that the version of me that is capable of doing this to you is not someone Dad would have recognized.*
*I'm sorry about the cloth.
I'm sorry about your dress.
I'm sorry about the little girl.*
*I'm not sorry about wanting what was mine.
I'm only sorry that I couldn't find a way to get it that didn't require me to become someone I hate.*
*I love you.
I have always loved you.
That is the most terrible part of all of this — that both things are true at the same time.*
*— D*
I closed the binder.
Seth was watching me.
"She wrote her a letter," I said.
"In case it went wrong.
She had it sitting here waiting."
"What does it say?"
"That she knew exactly what she was doing.
That she did it anyway." I looked at the binder in my hands.
"And that she loves Chloe."
Seth was quiet for a moment.
"Does Chloe know about the letter?"
"Not yet."
"Are you going to show her?"
I looked at the storage unit — the neat shelves, the tax records, the small careful life Diana had built around a plan that had taken over a year to construct.
"Yes," I said.
"But not today."
Seth pushed off the car.
"My attorney's name is Grace Holloway," he said.
"She handled our mother's estate.
She's good and she's fast and she will not be charmed by Diana." He held out his hand for the binder.
"Let me call her on the way back."
I handed it to him.
We got in the car.
My phone buzzed.
It was a text from Ryan.
*They took her in for questioning.
Not arrested yet.
Officer said they need the hospital report and the notary verification before they can charge.
Could be tonight, could be tomorrow.*
I typed back: *We have the binder.
Seth is calling his attorney now.*
Ryan replied with a single word: *Good.*
Then, thirty seconds later, a second message.
*Mark.
There's something else.
One of the guests — the woman who was sitting in the third row on the right side, gray blazer — she came up to me after Diana left with the officers.
She said she's a notary.
She said she witnessed Diana's documents two weeks ago.
She said Diana told her it was a routine estate matter.*
I stared at the screen.
*She didn't know what she was witnessing,* Ryan wrote.
*She's upset.
She wants to talk to you.*
*She also said Diana came back to her office yesterday.
To pick up a second set of certified copies.*
*She said Diana told her they were for the attorney's file.*
May you like
*Mark — there's a second set of those documents somewhere.
And Diana still knows where they are.*