Chapter 9: After
The venue had a small garden off the side entrance.
Daniel found a bench there and sat down.
I sat beside him.
For a while, neither of us said anything.
A bird moved through the hedge at the far end of the garden.
Somewhere inside the building, I could hear the low murmur of guests beginning to leave.
"How long were you listening?" Daniel said finally.
"Long enough."
He nodded.
He was looking at his hands, folded in his hands in his lap.
"Did you know?
Before today.
Did you have any feeling about him?"
"I had a feeling about something," I said.
"I couldn't name it."
"I thought it was you being protective." He let out a short breath.
"I told myself you just needed time to warm up to him."
"Maybe that was part of it."
"But not all of it."
"No," I said.
"Not all of it."
He was quiet again.
Then, "He said he loved me.
Ryan.
He said it often."
I didn't answer that.
There was nothing to say that would help.
"Do you think any of it was real?" Daniel asked.
I thought about what my ex-husband had said.
Whatever Ryan's original motivation, that part appears to be genuine.
I thought about how little that meant when weighed against what Ryan had actually done.
"I think," I said carefully, "that people can want two things at once.
And that doesn't make either one clean."
Daniel looked up at the sky.
His eyes were dry, but the effort of keeping them that way was visible.
"I spent six months planning this."
"I know."
"I was happy."
"I know that too."
He turned and looked at me.
"Thank you.
For not waiting."
I put my hand over his.
"I wasn't going to let that happen to you."
We sat there for a while longer.
The garden was quiet.
The sounds from inside the building faded one by one.
Then Daniel straightened.
He took a slow breath.
He looked like someone setting something down that had been very heavy.
"What happens to him now?" he said.
"Ryan."
"The codicil is being revoked.
He won't have administrative control over anything."
"And my—" He stopped.
He hadn't called him father.
He wasn't ready for that word yet.
"The policy.
The one he set up for me."
"That stands.
Patricia — the paralegal — she confirmed it.
That part was always real."
Daniel nodded slowly.
"He's ill," I said.
"I think you should know that.
Whatever you decide to do with it."
He didn't respond right away.
He looked back at the hedge, at the place where the bird had been.
"I'm not ready to talk about him," he said.
"You don't have to be."
"But I'm not going to pretend he doesn't exist either." He paused.
"I just need some time."
"That's fair," I said.
He stood up.
He straightened his jacket.
He looked, for a moment, very young and very composed at the same time — the way he used to look as a boy when something had hurt him badly and he was deciding not to let it win.
May you like
He held out his hand to me.
I took it, and we walked back inside together.
