Chapter 6: What Ryan Had Never Told Me
Carol sat down on the bottom stair.
She didn't say anything for a moment.
She just sat there with her hand still pressed against the wall, like the wall was the only thing keeping the hallway level.
"You need to understand," she said finally, "that I have grown to love that child."
"I know."
"Whatever happened before she came to me — she is not a case number to me.
She is not a file.
She is a little girl who wakes up from nightmares and likes strawberry jam on her toast and has been learning to read music on a keyboard I bought her at a garage sale." Carol looked up at me.
"I need you to understand that before anything else."
"I do understand that."
"Because if what you're saying is true —" She stopped.
"If what you're saying is true, then someone took her.
Someone took her from a family and put her in a system and let eight years go by." Her voice had gone tight.
"And I want to know who.
I want to know just as much as you do."
I called Ryan from Carol's front step.
I told him what Lily had said about Bella.
He was quiet for so long I thought the call had dropped.
"Ryan."
"I'm here."
"Did you hear what I said?"
"I heard you." His voice was strange.
Flat in a way it didn't usually sound.
"I need you to come over here.
We need to talk to Carol together and then we need to call that attorney Dennis mentioned —"
"I need to tell you something first."
I stopped.
"What?"
"Not on the phone.
Come home."
I crossed the street and walked into the kitchen and Ryan was standing at the window with his back to me.
He didn't turn around when I came in.
"Ryan.
What is it?"
He turned.
His face looked like he hadn't slept, except it was the middle of the morning and he'd been fine an hour ago.
"The accident," he said.
"What about it?"
"The car that hjt us." He looked at me.
"I told the police it came out of nowhere.
That I didn't see it until it was too late."
"I know.
That's what you told me too."
"That wasn't completely true."
The kitchen went very quiet.
"I saw the car," Ryan said.
"About half a second before it hjt.
Long enough to recognize it."
"Recognize it." My voice was flat.
"You recognized the car."
"I recognized the driver."
I sat down at the table because my legs made the decision before I did.
"Who was it?"
Ryan pulled out the chair across from me and sat down.
He put both hands on the table.
"His name is Gerald Marsh," he said.
"He's Carol's son."
I stared at him.
"I didn't say anything to the police because I wasn't certain.
Half a second, and then the impact — I told myself I was wrong.
I told myself it was the shock making me see things." He looked at his hands.
"But I wasn't wrong.
I've known for seven months that I wasn't wrong, and I didn't tell you because I didn't know what it meant and I didn't want to —" He stopped.
"You didn't want to what?"
"I didn't want to make it worse than it already was." He looked up.
"Ava was g*ne.
I thought — what does it change?
What does naming him change?"
"It changes everything," I said.
"Ryan.
It changes everything."
"I know that now."
"Gerald Marsh." I said the name slowly.
"Carol's son.
And Carol has a child in her house who looks exactly like our daughter and wears her necklace and remembers Gabriella's nickname." I looked at him.
"This wasn't an accident."
Ryan's jaw tightened.
"No," he said quietly.
"I don't think it was."
I stood up.
My hands were shaking but my voice had gone very still.
"Call Dennis Hartley," I said.
"Tell him everything you just told me.
Right now, while I go back across that street and ask Carol where her son is."
"You shouldn't go alone —"
"Call Dennis.
Then come after me." I picked up my keys.
"And Ryan — if you know anything else.
Anything at all that you haven't told me.
Tell me now."
He looked at me for a long moment.
"That's everything," he said.
May you like
I looked at him one more second longer than I needed to.
Then I walked out the door.
