Chapter 4: What Kayla Wanted to Say
He texted her back that night.
Just two words: *Sure.
When?*
She replied within a minute.
*Tomorrow.
Before homeroom.
By the side doors.*
I only found out because Lucas left his phone on the counter and the notification lit up while he was in the shower.
I didn't read the full thread.
I saw enough.
I didn't sleep well.
The next morning I made his breakfast and didn't mention it.
He didn't mention it either.
He ate quickly, checked his phone twice, and grabbed his bag.
At the door he stopped.
"I'll tell you how it goes," he said.
"You don't have to," I said.
"I know." He looked at me.
"I want to."
He told me that evening, same kitchen table, same chairs.
Kayla had been waiting by the side doors when he arrived.
She was alone, which surprised him.
He said she looked different without Tyler and the others around her — smaller, somehow.
Less certain of where to put her hands.
"She said she was sorry," Lucas told me.
"What exactly did she say?"
He thought about it.
"She said, 'I was awful to you last year and I've been thinking about it all summer.
I don't expect you to forgive me.
I just needed you to know I know what I did.'"
I watched his face.
"And?" I said.
"And I just stood there for a second," Lucas said.
"Because I'd imagined that moment about a hundred times.
What I'd say.
How good it would feel." He turned his water glass slowly on the table.
"It didn't feel the way I thought it would."
"How did it feel?"
"Sad, kind of." He frowned at the glass.
"Like — she looked genuinely bad about it.
And I realized I didn't actually want her to feel bad.
I just wanted it to have never happened."
I nodded.
"Did you say anything back to her?"
"I said, 'I appreciate you saying that.' Because I did.
And then I said, 'Can I ask you something?'" Lucas looked up.
"I asked her why.
Why she laughed.
Why she said what she said about my clothes and how I looked."
"What did she say?"
Lucas was quiet for a moment.
"She said Tyler had been making fun of me to her for weeks before I ever talked to her.
Said he'd told her I was a joke and that if she was seen being nice to me it would reflect on her." He paused.
"She said she believed him.
And she said she was ashamed of that now."
The kitchen was very quiet.
"So Tyler set it up," I said.
"Pretty much." Lucas nodded.
"He was the one who spread it to the other boys too, after.
Kayla didn't know that part until later."
I felt something shift in my chest.
Not quite anger.
Something colder and more specific than anger.
"Lucas," I said.
"How bad did it get with Tyler?
Last year.
The things you wouldn't tell me."
He looked at me for a long moment.
Then he reached into his bag and set a folded piece of paper on the table.
"I found this in my locker," he said.
"Last March."
I unfolded it.
I read it once.
Then I read it again.
My hands were completely steady, which surprised me, because the rest of me was not.
"Why didn't you show me this?" I asked quietly.
"Because I knew what you'd do," Lucas said.
"And I wasn't ready."
I set the paper down flat on the table.
"Are you ready now?" I asked.
He looked at me for a long time.
May you like
"Yeah," he said.
"I think I am."
