Chapter 4: The Morning He Came Back
Lily's fever broke at six in the morning.
I knew because I hadn't slept.
I'd sat in the nursing chair beside her crib all night, watching the monitor, giving her the first antibiotic dose at 4 AM, counting her breaths.
When she finally opened her eyes and looked at me with something other than misery, I put my hand on her chest and felt the heat had gone down.
"There you are," I whispered.
She grabbed my finger.
I was still sitting there when I heard the key in the front door.
Ethan came in quietly, like he was trying not to wake anyone.
He stopped when he saw me in the doorway of the nursery.
"She's better," I said.
"Fever broke."
He nodded.
He looked like he hadn't slept either.
His shirt was the same one from the hospital.
"Claire, I need to talk to you."
"I know."
"Can we sit down?"
We sat at the kitchen table.
Lily was in the bouncy chair between us, drowsy but calm, watching the little mobile above her head.
Ethan folded his hands on the table.
"It's over.
With Dana.
It's been over for three weeks."
"Okay."
"I ended it.
I swear to you I ended it."
"Okay."
He looked up.
"That's all you're going to say?"
"What do you want me to say, Ethan?"
"I want you to yell at me.
I want you to react."
"I reacted last night." I looked at Lily.
"Right now I'm tired and my daughter is sick and I don't have anything left for a scene."
"I made a terrible mistake."
"Yes."
"I was scared.
After Lily came, everything felt — I don't know.
Overwhelming.
You were so focused on her and I felt—"
"Don't." My voice came out harder than I expected.
"Don't make this about feeling neglected.
I had a newborn.
I was recovering from labor.
If you were struggling, you had a hundred options before that one."
He was quiet.
"How long?" I asked.
"Four months."
"Did you use protection?"
His face went red.
"Yes.
Always."
"I need you to get tested.
Before you come near me again."
"Claire—"
"That's not negotiable."
He nodded.
He looked at his daughter.
She'd fallen asleep, one fist curled under her chin.
"I don't want to lose my family," he said.
"I know you don't." I stood up and moved to the counter, putting the kettle on.
"But wanting to keep something and deserving to keep it aren't the same thing."
He didn't answer that.
"You should go," I said.
"I need to sleep.
My mother is coming at noon."
He stood slowly.
At the door, he turned back.
"I love you," he said.
I looked at him for a long moment.
"I know you think that's true."
The door closed behind him.
I stood at the counter until the kettle boiled.
Then I made one cup of tea, sat down next to my sleeping daughter, and called my mother early.
She picked up on the first ring.
"Tell me everything," she said.
So I did.
I talked for forty minutes without stopping.
My mother didn't interrupt.
When I finally went quiet, she said: "Are you safe?
Is Lily safe?"
"Yes."
"Then everything else we can figure out." A pause.
"I'm leaving now.
I'll be there by ten."
I set the phone down and looked at Lily.
"Grandma's coming," I told her.
She slept right through it.
May you like
But Sylvia called at 9 AM.
And I made the mistake of answering.
