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Chapter 10: Before You Do Something You'll Regret

I read the message twice.

Then I set the phone face-down on the table and sat very still for approximately thirty seconds.

Then I picked it up and read it a third time, in case the words had changed.

They hadn't.

*I know you're there.

We should talk before you do something you'll regret.*

I looked at the time stamp.

It had come in four minutes ago.

She was not forty minutes away.

Or if she was, she had a way of knowing we had arrived that did not depend on distance.

I got up and checked the front windows.

The road was dark.

No cars parked along the edge of the property that I could see.

I checked the back yard through the kitchen window.

Nothing visible in the dark.

I went upstairs without turning on the hallway light and checked Emily's room.

She was asleep, one hand open on the pillow beside her face.

I stood in the doorway for a moment, then went to my father's room on the ground floor.

His breathing was slow and even.

I closed his door softly.

I came back to the kitchen and sat down.

The question was whether to respond.

I thought about what Patricia Howe would say.

She would say do not engage without counsel.

She would say forward the message to her first thing in the morning and let the legal process work.

I thought about what Daniel would say.

He would probably say the same thing.

Carefully.

Patiently.

I looked at the tin box on the table.

Then I typed one sentence: *This number will be forwarded to our attorney in the morning.

If you have anything to communicate, please contact Patricia Howe at her firm directly.*

I found the firm's public information online and sent the name and address.

Then I added one more line.

*I found the letter, Ruth.

All of it.*

I pressed send.

I waited.

Her response came in less than a minute.

*That letter doesn't mean what you think it means.

He told me things he didn't put in writing.

I was with him for four years.

You knew him for three before he got sick.

I knew him differently.*

I read that message carefully.

There was real pain in it.

That was the first thing I felt, before anything else.

This was not a fraudulent claim from a stranger.

This was a woman who had loved someone and believed, fully and genuinely, that she had been promised something.

That did not make her right.

I typed: *I'm sorry for what you lost.

I mean that.

But a legal claim on my daughter's inheritance is not the answer, and you know that.*

She responded: *He wouldn't have wanted her to have it.

He always talked about giving it back to the land.

To the community.

He never mentioned a daughter to me.*

*He didn't know he was going to have a daughter when you were together,* I wrote back.

*He found out four years after you ended.

Things change.*

A longer pause this time.

Then: *Can we meet?

Just us.

Before you go to the attorney.

I'm not going to do anything.

I just want to talk to someone who actually knew him at the end.*

I read that sentence several times.

*Someone who actually knew him at the end.*

I thought about the recording.

His voice at eleven minutes, talking about Emily's laugh, about my father's hands, about the farmhouse.

I thought about this woman on the other end of the phone, who had no box.

No recording.

No chain of signs that someone had spent three Sundays teaching before the end came.

She had four years and a careless promise and then nothing.

*Tomorrow,* I typed.

*Two o'clock.

At the farmhouse.

My father will be here.*

Another pause.

*Okay,* she sent back.

I put the phone down.

I sat at the kitchen table for another hour, not doing anything in particular.

At some point I made tea.

At some point I looked at the tin box and thought about Daniel sitting in this room in a different summer, writing carefully about the difference between kindness and a promise.

At eleven-thirty, I went to bed.

I didn't sleep much, but I slept some.

And in the morning, Tom Greer arrived at seven sharp with the new lock set, and by eight-thirty the front door had a deadbolt that required a key from either side.

Emily came downstairs at half past eight and found me in the kitchen with the tin box still on the table.

"What's that?" she asked.

"Something Daddy left," I said.

"For us to find."

She sat down across from me and looked at it seriously.

"Did you find what he wanted you to find?"

"I think so," I said.

"Yes."

She nodded.

"Can I see the room?" she asked.

"The room where you found it?"

I took her upstairs to the east room.

We stood at the window together and looked out over the field, which in the morning light was wide and pale and went all the way to a tree line in the distance.

Emily put her hand on the window frame.

"He looked at this," she said.

It was not a question.

"He did," I said.

She stood there quietly for a moment.

Then she raised her right hand and made a sign I recognized immediately.

The first one.

The one he had made the night she was born.

*I am here.

Even when you can't see me.*

She held it there, directed at the window, at the field, at whatever was on the other side of the glass.

Then she let her hand drop and turned around.

May you like

"Okay," she said.

"What's for breakfast?"

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